Positive parenting has garnered broad support among French parents. The survey “Being a Parent Today” conducted by UDAF, published in 2024, reveals a contradiction: while the majority of parents claim to support non-violent education, many state that the content found online about positive parenting leaves them more confused than before. The gap between the stated ideal and daily reality deserves close examination.
Positive Parenting: A Legal Framework That Precedes Family Practices
The law of July 10, 2019, prohibits ordinary educational violence (VEO) in France. It establishes in the Civil Code that parental authority is exercised without physical or psychological violence. The text exists, but its concrete application is progressing slowly.
The VEO barometer conducted by Ifop shows that nearly one-third of parents continue to attribute educational value to corporal punishment. This figure illustrates a lasting gap between the law and habits passed down from generation to generation.
An order dated August 31, 2021, also established a national framework for early childhood care facilities. This text requires the display or availability of information on VEO to the public. Thus, nurseries and daycare centers become awareness-raising relays, sometimes even before parents question their own practices. To delve deeper into the subject in a less institutional context, parenting advice on maman-zen.fr offers additional guidelines tailored to family daily life.
Positive Education in Daily Life: Why Generic Advice Fails
Articles on positive education often present a list of principles: active listening, positive reinforcement, emotional management. The problem is not the content of these principles, but their degree of abstraction.
A parent facing a tantrum in a supermarket is not looking for a principle. They seek an immediate response, applicable in seconds, in a context of fatigue and social scrutiny. The gap between benevolent theory and concrete situations generates guilt rather than competence.
The UDAF survey precisely points out this mechanism. Parents who consume the most content on positive parenting are also those who express the most doubts about their ability to do well. The accumulation of unprioritized advice produces the opposite effect of what is sought.
Three Situations Where Benevolence Plays Out in Detail
Rather than listing principles, it is more useful to identify the specific moments when the parental response shifts the interaction:
- Food refusal in a 2-3 year old: the temptation to force or negotiate clashes with a need for autonomy. Naming the choice without dramatizing (“you don’t want beans, you can taste them or leave them”) defuses the power struggle without giving up on the meal framework.
- Resistance at bedtime in a 4-6 year old: repeating the instruction in a neutral tone, without arguing or threatening, requires giving up on convincing. A stable ritual (same time, same sequence) replaces negotiation with predictability.
- Sibling conflict: intervening by describing what each child feels (“you are angry because he took your toy”) rather than seeking the culprit allows everyone to feel heard, without the parent becoming a judge.
Positive parenting plays out in repeated micro-decisions, not in adherence to a global model.
Parental Support: What Parents Seek and What Is Offered
The available resources cover a wide spectrum: books, online training, group workshops, individual follow-ups. The parental support market has significantly developed in recent years, driven by demand and the dissemination of affective neuroscience.
However, feedback from the field diverges on the effectiveness of these systems. A two-hour workshop on emotional management can provide concrete tools to some parents while leaving others helpless due to a lack of long-term follow-up. Occasional support is not enough without grounding in daily life.
Guidelines for Choosing an Appropriate Positive Education Tool
Not all resources are equal. A few criteria can help filter:
- A book or training that offers specific situational examples (dialogues, scenarios by age group) is more usable than a work focused solely on parental posture.
- Formats that include feedback (discussion groups, monthly follow-ups) allow practices to be adjusted over time, whereas content consumed only once is quickly forgotten.
- The qualifications of the facilitator matter: psychologist, specialized educator, or parenting coach do not cover the same skills or ethical frameworks.
The choice also depends on the family situation. An isolated parent, a couple with educational disagreements, or a blended family have different support needs.
Positive Parenting and Limits: What the Data Allows Us to Say
Research in affective neuroscience confirms that warm and predictable interactions promote a child’s emotional development. This scientific foundation is solid. However, the available data does not allow us to conclude that a single educational model suits all families.
The benevolent framework does not exclude firmness on rules. The frequent confusion between benevolence and permissiveness fuels some of the criticisms directed at positive education. Setting clear limits, maintaining them without shouting, and accepting the child’s frustration are integral parts of this approach.
The persistence of VEO despite the 2019 law shows that changing parental practices cannot be decreed. It is built through repetition, support, and tolerance for one’s own mistakes. A parent who reflects on a disproportionate reaction teaches just as much to their child as a parent who never makes mistakes.
